Things you should never say to your family during Christmas.

Ah, the joys of the holiday season! The twinkling lights, the smell of pine, and the inevitable verbal landmines waiting to be stepped on during Christmas family gatherings. Fear not, intrepid reveller, for we've compiled a guide to help you navigate the treacherous waters of festive conversations. So, wear your best holiday sweater and let's sleigh these conversational pitfalls!
 

1 - "Wow, you've put on weight!"

The classic foot-in-mouth moment. Commenting on someone's appearance, especially during the season of indulgence, is risky. Instead of delving into a squabble, why not focus on spreading compliments like festive cheer? Try, "You're glowing with holiday spirit!" or "wow, what an incredible sunny day we're having!"
 

2- "When will you finally settle down and get married?"

Nothing says 'Merry Christmas' like putting your loved ones on the spot about their romantic timelines. This year, why not gift them the joy of privacy? If the mistletoe hasn't worked its magic yet, let it be. A sly smile and a change of topic can be your best seasonal strategy.
 

3 - "Can you believe what [insert name of detested elected official or political party here] just did?"

Ah, politics. It's the ultimate seasoning for a heated family debate and the perfect opportunity to remind yourself why Uncle Ruckus is your least favourite family member. While it's tempting to stir the pot, remember that indigestion is not a festive look. Keep the conversation merry and bright by steering clear of political minefields. If all else fails, take refuge in the kitchen or compliment the host's impeccable taste.
 

4 - "The best Christmas Lunch I ever had was..."

Comparing the present feast to past culinary experiences is like adding a dash of salt to an open wound. Instead of playing the food critic, focus on the positive. Compliment the chef on their culinary prowess and employ the time-tested "Mmm, this is delightful!" technique if necessary. And yes, it's ALWAYS necessary.
 

5 - "Remember that time you..."

Ah, reminiscing about embarrassing moments-the true spirit of Christmas, right? Wrong! Save the embarrassing stories for another time (perhaps after a glass of eggnog). Keep the conversation light and jolly, steering clear of tales that might make Uncle Bob turn as red as Rudolph's nose.
 

6 - "I heard about your recent [negative event]. What happened?"

Inquiring about personal hardships during a festive feast is like serving a side of awkward with the mashed potatoes. If you're genuinely concerned, choose a more private setting to offer your support. At the table, focus on the positive aspects of the season, like the joy of being together.
 

7 - "I can't believe you still [habit or hobby]."

Nothing spreads holiday cheer like a good dose of judgement, right? Wrong! Resist the urge to play the role of the family therapist. Instead, celebrate each family member's uniqueness. If Aunt Mildred still collects spoons, let her! After all, variety is the spice of the familial tapestry.
 

8 - "...If we're even here by then!"

The end-of-the-world scenarios may be a hit at the office water cooler, but they're better left out of the festive family banter. Keep the conversation focused on the love and warmth that permeates the holiday season. If all else fails, distract with a well-timed joke or, better yet, a dessert offering.
 

9 - "Did you hear about...?"

Gossip is the fruitcake of conversation topics. Unpleasant and best left untouched. Avoid stirring up drama during the holidays by steering clear of tales that could sour the festive mood. If gossip starts to flow like spilt gravy, redirect the conversation toward shared positive experiences or, failing that, the season's magic.

In the grand tapestry of holiday conversations, let your words be the tinsel, not the tangled lights. May your Christmas be filled with laughter, joy, and good-natured humour. After all, 'tis the season to be jolly, not the season for awkward silences!

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