Roadtrips from Hell: Your Do's and Don'ts Checklists

We've all been there - packed to the brim, fuel in the tank and ready for what promises to be the most epic road trip ever. Only, somewhere between setting off and the first pit stop, things start to go horribly, comically wrong. Whether it's navigating dodgy roads, car troubles or snack-related meltdowns, road trips can quickly go from blissful to disastrous. Buckle up, because we're diving into the do's and don'ts of South African road trips - the good, the bad and the downright disastrous!

1. The Art of Preparation: Don't Leave Home Without It

Preparation is key, but let's be real - who hasn't tossed everything into the boot last minute, hoping for the best? It's all fun and games until you're halfway to Cape Town and realise you've left behind something crucial, like your sunglasses or, worse, your only pair of slops.

Do: Pack a day or two in advance and create a checklist. Things to include: sunglasses, chargers, snacks (more on this later) and of course, your ID if you're headed through a border post or down to a spot like Lesotho for some snow!

Don't: Rely on "boer maak 'n plan" thinking. Sure, you can buy a phone charger at a petrol station, but you can't replace your carefully curated road trip playlist when your phone battery dies.

Also, remember to check the expiry dates on those old travel documents and bank cards. Nothing worse than getting to the Tollgate, proudly handing over your card, only to hear, "Sorry, sir, it's declined." Not to mention, it's not lekker to go hunting for an ATM in the middle of nowhere!

And don't forget to pack for every kind of weather. We all know how it goes - Joburg is sunny, Durban is pouring and the Free State... well, it's just windy - and Cape Town... eish, it can be all of these in one day!

2. Navigating Disaster: The GPS is NOT Your Best Friend

We love our technology, but let's be honest - GPS has let us down more times than we'd care to admit. You're halfway to the Drakensberg and your trusty GPS reroutes you, only to take you down a dirt road that suddenly turns into a dead-end next to a goat farm. There you are, surrounded by nothing but goats, cows, whatever; and all you can do is sigh and accept your fate. Swearing doesn't change the situation. (lol)

Do: Keep an old-school map in the car or better yet, download offline maps. It's great to be guided by Google, but even our tech can get a little confused when navigating through the Karoo.

Don't: Rely 100% on your GPS. A little local knowledge goes a long way, so don't be shy - ask the 'madala' at the petrol station - there's always one! We South Africans are a friendly bunch and are always keen to help a lost traveller.

And while we're talking about GPS, keep in mind that there's no cell reception in the middle of the Karoo. If you do lose signal, just stay calm, remember that old-school map you packed (hopefully!) and have a laugh about it later when you're back in signal range.

3. Car-tastrophes: When Your "Chariot" Betrays You

So, you've made it a good 200 km out of town, cruising down the N3 with a full tank of petrol, when suddenly your car starts making a sound that can only be described as "kat onder die bonnet." You pull over, pop the bonnet and there it is - steam rising from the engine like it's a kettle on the boil. Murphy's Law strikes again.

Do: Give your car a once-over before you hit the road. Check the oil, water and tires. It may seem like a schlep, but take our word for it, there's nothing worse than being stranded between Beaufort West and Three Sisters with not a tow truck in sight.

Do: Double-check if your insurance or bank throws in roadside assistance - because when things go south, it's good to have backup that doesn't require thumb-twiddling in the Karoo.

Don't: Wait until your car's already acting up before you get it serviced. And please, whatever you do, don't rely on the hope that there'll be a friendly mechanic at every Engen. Sometimes, it's just you, your overheating engine and the distant hum of the highway.

Also, keep an eye on your petrol gauge. A pit stop every now and then won't kill your ETA and it'll save you from that dreaded moment when the red light starts flashing and the nearest petrol station is 50km away. Believe us on this one - you don't want to run out of fuel in the middle of the Namaqualand. Plus, you need those Wimpy chips and Cream Soda to keep your spirits up.

4. Snacks, Survival and the Unexpected Pit Stops

Ah, the road trip snack - often the most anticipated part of the journey. Whether it's your favourite choice of 'amaZimba' (read NikNaks, Doritos, Salt & vinegar... get the picture), biltong, or the obligatory stash of Sour Worms, no road trip is complete without a decent snack haul. But, as with everything on a road trip, even the best-laid snack plans can go awry.

Do: Pack more snacks than you think you'll need. Road trips have a funny way of making everyone ravenous and if you don't want to be the one fighting over the last KitKat finger, stock up! Think a mix of savoury and sweet - biltong or droewors for the protein, Flings for the nostalgia and a couple of chocolate bars for when that mid-afternoon sugar slump hits.

Don't: Rely solely on garage food. Yes, a Steers King Steer burger or a Mugg & Bean On-the-Go muffin hits the spot, but sometimes you'll find yourself at a petrol station that's a bit more... rustic. And nothing says 'road trip from hell' like a pie that looks suspiciously older than the Drakensberg. Trust me, you don't want to be stuck in a 2mx2m space with someone who's 'hangry" (yes that's actually a thing!) or - even worse - stuck in that space with the person who ate that dodgy pie!

And don't forget the drinks - still water is great, but a can of Stoney or an ice-cold Coke can do wonders to lift the mood when the trip takes a turn for the worse.

5. Wild Encounters: Expect the Unexpected

South African roads aren't just famous for their potholes - they're also home to some unexpected animal encounters. Picture this: You're driving through the Eastern Cape and out of nowhere, a herd of cows decides that your lane is the perfect place for an afternoon chill session. No amount of hooting will make them budge and suddenly your carefully timed schedule is out the window.

Do: Keep your eyes peeled, especially when travelling through rural areas. Cows, sheep and the odd donkey can appear out of nowhere and swerving to avoid them is a sure-fire way to land yourself in a ditch.

Don't: Assume that the wildlife sticks to the game reserves. From vervet monkeys to warthogs, expect to encounter the unexpected when you're driving through the bushveld. And remember, that elephant crossing sign near the Kruger Park isn't just for show!

Also, keep in mind that road signs in South Africa can be a little vague - don't expect any "Caution: Impala Crossing" signs when you're deep in the Kalahari.

6. Tips to Mitigate the Potential for Mayhem

Of course, no road trip from hell would be complete without the possibility of avoiding disaster altogether - if only you'd known! So here are some practical (but still fun) tips to help you steer clear of total mayhem on your next trip.

Do: Plan regular breaks. Driving for hours on end can make you tired and irritable and - believe us when we tell you - nobody wants to be stuck in a car with a grumpy driver. Schedule stops at decent rest stops (hint: the ones with a Steers or a Wimpy are always a good bet).

Don't: Forget to check the weather. We all know how unpredictable South African weather can be - one minute it's sunny, the next you're driving through a downpour worthy of a Cape Town winter. Pack accordingly and keep an eye on the forecast.

Do: Share the load. Whether it's driving or navigation, taking turns helps keep everyone fresh and reduces the chance of arguments over who missed the turnoff.

Don't: Skimp on music. A good playlist can make or break a road trip and there's nothing like belting out a bit of Johnny Clegg or Goldfish to keep the mood up when things are a little less than "peachy". Just remember, the driver always gets final say on what's playing!

The Last Leg

Road trips are one of the most iconic ways to explore South Africa's beautiful and diverse landscape. But as much as we all dream of the perfect, Insta-worthy trip, sometimes things don't go as planned. But with a bit of preparation, a sense of humour and a solid "do and don't" checklist, you can turn any road trip from hell into an adventure worth remembering.

So, pack those biltong sticks, charge your GPS and get ready for the journey of a lifetime - even if it's not quite the one you planned! Safe travels and may your road trip be more 'schweet' and less 'flat tyre fiasco'.

Disclaimer:
We've put together this article to share helpful information and interesting recommendations. While we do our best to keep details accurate and up-to-date, things can change, and some information may evolve over time. While we strive to provide accurate and useful recommendations, Hamilton's Property Portfolio cannot be held responsible for the venues, businesses, people, products or other information mentioned. We're here to inspire, not to provide guarantees, so any choices you make based on this article are entirely your own. Thanks for reading, and enjoy exploring!

Hamilton's Property Portfolio: Serving South Africa's Upmarket Property Market
For over 20 years, Hamilton's Property Portfolio has been dedicated to meeting the needs of South Africa's upper property market. Specialising in luxury homes in prime regions such as Gauteng, the Eastern Cape, Western Cape, Garden Route and Winelands, Hamilton's is committed to providing personalised service and expert advice. 

Read our previous articles here

Contact one of our offices; we look forward to hearing from you:
Gauteng: 011 463 0155
Cape Town: 021 418 0328 
Garden Route: 044 050 3295
Eastern Cape: 076 927 7787
Winelands: 021 863 0551
Mauritius: +230 5723 0369
Email: reception@hamiltons.co.za

Hamilton's Property Portfolio holds a Fidelity Fund Certificate issued by the Property Practitioners Regulatory Authority.