Jen Taylor's Women's Month Musings: Celebrating Circles and Sisterhood

When I was asked to write a quirky article for Women's Month, I thought it would be a cinch. I've usually got a lot to say, I tell a good story, I'm funny (not everyone "gets" me and that's OK) and, it was a month away. How hard could it be? Now it's three days away and I'm no closer to my quirky, amusing article than I was three weeks ago. I've written (and simultaneously edited - do NOT do this) a few pages, in a few styles and none of them are resonating. 

I started with a chronology looking back at 35 years as a woman in the workplace, which made me feel ancient - I started before computers! Then I focused on being a female in the workplace and got caught up in equality, which took me down a rabbit hole of the jobs marred by unsolicited advances that I have had in my life (not all of them waitressing gigs as a student), of being condescended to, enduring "mansplaining" in the boardroom and a thousand tiny indignities throughout the day. If we do indeed "hold up half the sky," why are we not paid equally? I saw an advert in which an unnamed financial institution stated that they helped over one million small businesses and on the next poster: "We help over 395,000 women-owned businesses" (weirdly specific number, that). The numbers don't add up. I got incensed, which is neither quirky nor amusing.

I then changed tack and thought about my role as a mother to our teenage daughter and how subconsciously terrifying that journey has been in South Africa's epidemic of GBV, rape and femicide. I've been dreading that call since she was around ten. What does all this mean in terms of me being her role model for her decade and a half of life? What have I been role-modelling, normalising, arming her for? She's a fierce, independently minded, clever human and I wish I'd had half the self-possession she has when I was her age. Is her armour too thick? For what? And so, it unravels... 

I'm sure many women have similar experiences, thoughts and feelings - it's just that we never talk about them. We rarely tell our stories - and when we do - we're not always assured of a gentle audience. That is unless we're blessed to be in a circle of women who meet regularly for a shared purpose. These groups are as diverse as prayer circles and yoga retreats, as varied as their members. For me, this fills an ancient need I didn't know I had - until I was invited into a book club last January. Relatively speaking, we humans have been around for a very short time. We haven't had much time to evolve, as evidenced by our collective and individual behaviours. Sad but true.

I started listening to Sapiens on Audible. I'd bought both books (also Homo Deus - decorating my bookshelf and making me look deep) at least three years ago and never got around to reading them. This is a theme with me: I hear fantastic reviews and must read the book immediately, buy it, put it on the shelf and look at it for years. Weird but true. I'm listening in the car on my way to and from the office - about an hour of listening every day, traffic-dependent. I'm initially fascinated, then increasingly horrified to hear things I've never heard before about our ancestors: how brutal they were, how they wiped out all of their "competitors," including the Neanderthals, who were peace-loving. It got so bad, I stopped listening. I wasn't loving the idea that I came from a long line of murderous thugs.

Back to the ancient need I'd been feeling. I was introduced to Brené Brown's work on vulnerability in February 2012. She put into words what I'd been feeling all my life: we are wired for connection. I remember hearing those words and thinking "YES, we are!" I knew enough to know that I'd been feeling disconnected for a few years and was aware enough to know the impact of this on me as an empath (read: highly sensitive person, if you prefer). Imagine my surprise when I felt a similar resounding "YES!" to the book club invitation. I'd always been quite sneery about book clubs, probably because I'd never been in one. Jealousy makes you nasty and all that.

It turns out what I'd been missing was a sense of belonging - of being unconditionally accepted as I stand in my shoes. There is nothing more nourishing and empowering than finding and being with your tribe, however that might look for you. How it looks for me a year and a half later is a circle of incredibly diverse and interesting women; and, via them, access to the deepest and most frivolous of resources. Including some of the very best books I've ever read, authors I would previously have dismissed out of hand and gritty conversations about every subject imaginable. Along with many guffaws, screaming fits of laughter and tears. Not to mention our WhatsApp group, which is a source of support and joy - and business advice from entrepreneurs.

And morning walks, which have changed my life completely in the last six weeks. Not only am I out in nature, I'm with one or more of these incredible women. We walk, we talk - it's free therapy and I wouldn't miss it for all the world. I never would have imagined that two months ago. It seems you can teach an old dog new tricks.

I guess this is my way of celebrating and honouring all the incredible women in my life, past and present, without sounding like a Hallmark card (although sometimes, those do resonate!). The women in my life have always been my strength and knowing that I come from a long line of feisty, opinionated women who get things done, is comforting - as is having many sisters in the various circles I'm blessed to be part of.
 

ImageSource: https://www.innerwildwomanstudio.com/blog/from-strangers-to-sisters-the-power-of-women-s-circles 

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